10. Training schedules
Remember training is not a goal but a means to achieve certain goals. For the sub as well as for the Dom training will be the most clear and effective if it is integrated in a plan or schedule. Make your separate training activities part of a bigger scheme. These schemes need to start with defining clear goals; long term goals as well as derived short term goals.
After having defined your goals think about how to reach them or get them closer in sight; base your action plan on that and build your scheme on this action plan.
Look at your starting situation. Find out what the sub can and what she could still learn. A good evaluation of: skills, qualities, competences and competences that could be developed. Knowing what a sub can and can learn is a good starting point. Even when you don’t plan to start non-professional training it’s a good start.
Next think about what you – as a Dom – would like to see changed, improved or adjusted in your sub. Just to make her more attractive for you. Besides it might be a good idea to ask your sub what she would like to see changed or improved. If the sub has goals for her self her motivation will be even higher. Use the motivation to your advantage.
The sub can bring in suggestions but it’s the Dom that decides what to incorporate and what not. Anyway it’s advised to inform the sub about your long term goals; it may show to be a good motivator.
Try to SMART define your goals; at least the long-term ones.
Don’t define a goal as: “She needs to improve her deep throat,” for the actual goal is unclear. Try to define it as: “She needs to be able to hold her Dominant’s cock in her mouth completely for a period of at least 30 seconds without choking.”
Make it specific and measurable.
The A stands for acceptable. If you – as a Dom – define a goal your sub does not believe to be reachable, you better adjust that goal for chances of reaching it are nearly nil.
Realistic is important too, but at the same time try to keep your goals challenging. An unrealistic goal will lead to a very low level of motivation. If you are on the other hand to cautious in defining your goal and there is no challenge the level of motivation will not be stretched and not be called for.
Last but not least: make your goals time specific. Don’t state that you want to reach a certain goal sometime, but set a date when you want to have it reached.
The importance of planning and scheme approach
This all may same a bit too much, but if you are really interested in achieving improvements, you are well advised to make a planning and a scheme. It is like planning a journey; if you don’t know where you start and where you are heading, the whole journey will not start or end in disappointment. Besides there will be just a minimum of motivation.
Another advantage of a planned scheme is that it is easy to measure your progress. The acknowledgement of progress is that it increases the motivation. If progress measuring shows that you are behind schedule a sub will be eager to get back on track again.
Programming step by step
Once you have established a goal that is further away in time – say something you want to reach in a year – you’ll need to break it up in smaller pieces easier to manage. You can do this by breaking it up in other (short-term) goals but also by defining a training scheme. This could contain the following steps:
- Definition of the main goal
- Breaking up in short term goals
- Writing down the actions that will help to achieve the short term goals
- Defining training goals for each training
- Writing down the action that will help to achieve these training goals
- After training checking if goals have been achieved
- Remaining actions to be shifted to next training
- After time checking if short term goals have been achieved
- Remaining action to be shifted to next period
- Organizing automation training
An example of training scheme
Let’s look at an example of how this would look.
Ella is 22 year old sub that has been in the BDSM scene for a couple of years. Being new in the scene she was manly confronted with bondage but recently she discovered some masochistic sides. Two months ago she has met her new Dom John. He’s an experienced Dom interested in Ella for he feels she could grow to be a genuine pain sub.
John offers to collar her and to make her part of his training program. Ella is enthusiastic for this is a side she wants to have explored.
Intake, measurements at starting points and establishing competences
In these first months John has been busy to find out about Ella’s knowledge and skills, by talking to her but also by experimenting during training.
To achieve motivation it is important that the training connects to existing competences or those that still could be developed. Much too often measurements at the starting point are taken down as a list of things a sub cannot do. Choose a positive approach and focus on what she can do and where there is room for improvement.
The main goal
John thinks it is possible to train Ella in such a way that – in twelve months time – Ella can orgasm from being beaten by a whip without any stimulation of her pussy or the pelvic region. (A) John is in fact quite sure about succeeding but Ella is sceptic. This goal is much too complicated and too far away to build a motivation.
John decides to break up the main goal into short-term goals. (B)
He states that after 2 months Ella should have learned to withstand pain stimuli from a bullwhip on buttocks, belly, back and breasts for a period of at least 15 minutes.
After 4 months Ella should have learned how to process pain better as a positive stimulus or positive energy.
After 5 months Ella should have learned how to eroticise pain stimuli and how she can move these stimuli from the pace on the skin where it was applied originally to her erogenous zones. And so forth.
In the last two months Ella will have to learn how to link the pleasure of pain (that what it has become through previous training) to the pleasure from stimulation of clit or labia.
For Ella these are all minor goals that look achievable; she will concentrate on the first short-term goal that lies ahead and she sees that as realistic. She will deal with the realism of the next short-term goal in 2 months time. She will be motivated more.
Stating actions that can lead to achieving short term goals
John figures out how to achieve that Ella can withstand the bullwhip for 15 minutes. (C) He decides to start with a ‘milder weapon’ the riding crop and not for 15 but for 5 minutes. Each next training he switches to a heavier pain stimulus, (riding crop, flogger, cat-o-nine, chain-whip, single-tail, bull-whip) as well as slowly decreasing the amount of time. Of course he can mix these actions with actions to achieve other goals. Ella will be extra motivated if she hears about this for these concrete actions are much easier to comprehend.
Before any training John writes down what he will do that specific day: seven minutes with the cat-o-nine. (D) At the end of the training he will evaluate (with or without Ella) if she has accomplished without tears or screaming. (Training goal)
Actions that help achieving the training goal
He will describe precisely how he is going to achieve them. (E) In this example the specific action is almost the same as the description of the training goal.
Evaluation of training goal
At the end of the training, evaluation follows. (F) He can evaluate together with Ella or even go with her judgement alone.
As long as the training goal is not achieves parts of the actions need to be repeated and written down as an assignment for the next training session. (G) The remaining things on the ‘to do’ list form the first part of the next training.
Evaluation learning goal and shifting remaining actions
After two months John checks if Ella can indeed sustain the bull-whip for fifteen minutes. (H) He could submit Ella to a test or an ‘exam’. If Ella doesn’t pass a part of this short term goal will be shifted to the next period of two months. (I)
Automation of behaviour
To round this off I want to point out the following. Especially with the building of bridges (associations) but also with other skills obtained through training; they need maintenance. Remember that if we are talking about ‘learned’ behaviour it could be ‘unlearned’ or forgotten. Once a skill is or behaviour is learned through training it needs to be retrained after time to automate it. (J) Once conditioned behaviour is automated it will last for years.
It is quite easy to learn a sub – who is not used to do that – through training, to use ‘Sir’ every time she answers a question. She will however easily make the old mistake again after a while for the use of the word ‘Sir’ is no longer rewarded. After repetition of training it is however automated and she will never forget it again.
Singular training sessions
Instead of the described training program it is of course possible to do single training sessions on one particular item. One can start with section D immediately. However never skip the intake section; it is useless trying to train a sub in things she doesn’t have the capacities or competences for. It is a waste of time and leads to frustration with both sub and trainer.
The only difference between singular sessions and a training program is that the former is not part of a pre defined long term plan or goal.