What is BDSM?

A short and simple question, but there is no short and simple answer I'm afraid. BDSM is a very big umbrella that covers a wide range of kinky and fetish stuff and can even be seen as a special ifestyle. Others may even see it as a fourth form of sexuality apart from straight, gay and lesbian. Almost every person has its own definition and some might regard certain things as BDSM where others feel it doesn't fit in the range.

So in this article we try to build/explain my definition of BDSM by looking at this question from different angles. Is my definition the only one? Most definitely not. Is it the right one? Others will say it's not and who am I to say they got it wrong. It is my definition; feel happy with it or fight it; whatever makes you feel good. If you have a respond or a contribution feel free to donate it in the forum.

Looking at the abbreviation BDSM

If we look at this abbreviation we see that it is a concatenation of three seperate abbreviations:

1. Bondage & Disciplin
2. Dominance & submission
3. Sadism & masochism

Bondage
Obviously rope is our first thought, but one could also use: chains, leather cuffs, metal cuffs, leahter, rubber or latex straps, tie-rips or whatever other material. Bondage could be mental as well, meaning that there is no actual material that holds the sub, just her mind and the Dom's rules prevent her from moving.

There are several reasons for bondage. There is functional in order to limit freedom or prevent the sub from running away or moving.

There is a pain aspect in bondage; either in combination with weights (crutch-ropes) or plain bondage, just very tight.

And then there is aesthetic bondage, also referred to as Japanese Bondage or Shibari as they are the true artists of this kind of bondage.

With Shibari the main purpose of the bondage is the beauty of it. Often a harnass is made of rope. Sort of bra and panties made of rope. This type of 'bra' can be further extended (as in this pic) into breast bondage.

One has to be carefull with bondage when it is either very tight or there for a very long time, because it blocks blood circulation partially. One should check with the sub regularly and at the same time monitor the color of the skin. And keep a shar knife nearby.
 

The picture above shows some Shibari ropework. In this case the sub is hung down by her feet (picture is rotated) Not only it is a sort of torture to have the sub hanging up side down, she is totally immobilized this way. This also a good starting point for mindplay for the sub feels strongly in this position that she is hanging there at the mercy of her Dom.

Discipline
Well I can hear you all think: "Now we are talking whips." And yes we are although discipline is so much more than just whipping and beating. It sometimes is meant as 'punishment' the conseqence of disobedience or misbehaviour.

Although pain in BDSM hurts as much as other pain, it is not always regarded as a negative, bad thing by subs. In fact most subs will state that pain is rather a positive stimulus. Whipping is caressing the body, just in a much more intense way. Sometimes subs can cum from having their pussy or other body part whipped.
In BDSM pain can be dished out and accepted for three different reasons:

1. Lust; the masochist that likes whipping for it makes her horny
2. Correction; in a learning scheme to correct unwanted behaviour (non-deliberate)
3. Punishment; for breaking the rules (delibarate)

Disciplin is also all about rules and obedience. Rules that can be there as a form to control a sub (mental immobilisation) or just to show and confirm ownership.

Dominance & submission
The two roles in BDSM. The Dominant (male: Dom or female Domme) is also often referred to as Master (in D/s relationships) or as Tops in incidental play. He/she is the one in control holding power over the other person that submitted to Him/Her. His name or function is - as a rule - written with a capital out of respect. With the power he also bears responsibillity for the well-being of the sub. A Dominant is something different as a control freak. Dominants in BDSM are often not 'leaders' or 'in charge' in real life of profession.

On the other side is the submissive, in short sub. In BDSM also referred to as slave (in D/s or 24/7 relationships) or bottom in incidental play. He/she gives her power to the Dominant and basically lets Him/Her decide what to do with him/her. Sometimes they are provided with a safeword however to stop action and limits are negociated up front. Where Dom and sub are in a relationship there is no need to negotioate over and over again. 

Some people argue that there is a third role in BDSM, the switch. I fully acknowledge the existence of switches but do not see them in a separate role. A switch is a person that likes to be a sub sometimes and a Dom on other occasions.
Some (purists) will state that they are 'in doubt' of their role and see them as fake or insecure beginners. Switches however can keep on switching their entire life. Especially Dominants that are in the BDSM business professionally like to hand over control in a personal play from time to time.

It hurts me to see (though I am 100 % Dominant myself) that sometimes switches are looked upon as outcasts in the BDSM world. I say shame on them who think this way. I have full respect for a Dominant that has the guts to face the other end of the whip. I know I haven't. 

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